I went, Woo Hoo! I attended my very first writing conference a few weeks ago- it felt like yesterday and months ago at the same time. It was inspiring, emotional and for me ... perfect timing. I am not a shy person, I get nervous of course, but not shy. I like meeting new people, learning new things and asking questions and this was everything I hoped it to be. Most people attending the conference had serious goals, meetings with agents, and one on ones to review their writing. I couldn't imagine. I have so many stories, so many books I have written- how would I even choose which one to bring? None are quite finished or where I want them to be, but they are written. This my friends, is my problem. I have quite a few stories, quite a few ideas- I get it, Im lucky- but I just can not figure out where to focus all my energy? Which project, which idea?? But this is for another blog.
What the conference did for me, was exactly what I needed it to do. It made me excited, it got my tummy rumbling inside, it made me feel like I was finally in the right place at the right time, exactly where "I" needed to be at that moment. I am a fatalist kind of person and believe we are all meant to do something special and where ever we may end up, for whatever reason...was absolutely supposed to happen. I may not understand it, but it was meant to be- I am certain of this.
And this is the way I felt at the conference; excited, emotional and nervous and exactly where I needed to be.
On a side note - me getting to this conference was not the easiest of tasks. My husband has a new job where every day he is doing something different. He works on the weekends at times and he works crazy hours. So, about a month prior to this date- I kept saying...will you be working this weekend of the conference...I NEED to know! But he did not know. He had no idea. So, I asked my Mom to fly up from Atlanta that weekend- just in case. Unfortunately, she was sick and was unable to come and I found this out about two weeks prior. Now you must remember that we have just moved to Virginia from Zimbabwe, we are new to the area but we do have a few friends and family close by- luckily. They are spread out but at least we are all in the same state, right? So, I had it all figured out. I stepped out of my comfort zone and asked for HELP! I asked some people I did not even know that well, but offered to help - to do just that, help. I had it all figured out, I had time tables, dates and times all spread out- my day and a half I needed for me, just ME- was going to work out. IT HAD TO! My new wonderful neighbor would watch Chase, my five year old, Friday morning and get him on the bus at 11:30 as I had to be at the conference by 9 am. This was perfect. It ended at 12, so I was home by lunch. That is of course until Hannah, my 7 year old, was up all night on Thursday night- the night before the conference- sick as a dog. She was coughing and sneezing and just plain miserable.
As I laid there next to her, my heart began to sink, my soul began to question wants...from needs. I had a feeling I would not be able to make the first day of this conference on Friday and tears filled my eyes. Hannah needed me and there was no way on earth I would send her to my new wonderful neighbors house - SICK. It was bad enough I had her watching my son all morning from 8 am -12 pm, I definitely could not ask her to watch my sick child and have her chance getting her four children sick. So, I knew what I had to do. I had to skip that first day of the conference and take care of my baby. As I crawled into bed early that morning, after sleeping with Hannah most of the night, my wonderful husband squeezed me so tight and just said...are you OK? I wasn't sure why he asked me that, but tears filled my eyes yet again and I began to cry. I said, I am OK. He said, are you going to have to miss the conference? He knew how I was feeling and he was feeling it too. He felt guilty he could not take off work as he is in a special training class at the moment and he truly empathized with me. It was a surreal moment for me because it was as if he finally understand how much this meant to me- or I finally realized that he understood, either way- it was a touching moment, even though it was a bit sad.
The kids woke up not but an hour later and we went down for breakfast. I still got showered and dressed and ready to go...just in case- I had to. She looked OK, not awful, but not great. I asked her how she was feeling and she said...not good. Then, as I cleaned up the kitchen and the kids waited around- I realized they were downstairs wresting and playing. I immediately called Hannah upstairs and asked her what was going on- she said sorry, but she still did not feel good. So again...those darn tears. They filled my eyes and I said to her desperately, if you can go to school today, I NEED you to go to school. I would not ask if I didn't really need this. There is no fever, it is a cold, a yucky cold and I understand. But, I NEED you to go to school today. She said...OK. I said are you sure, she said yes- as long as you pick me up after lunch. It was a promise I would definitely keep.
I had so much guilt driving to the conference after I dropped her off, I asked a friend to be her- #1 call if she needed anything, and she said no problem. I was feeling awful, like a horrible Mom for doing this and questioning my intentions wondering if it was worth it. My friend then sent me a short text that I will never forget. She said " I'm home all day, so no worries. Have a wonderful day and fill your soul with what your passion is today." Once I read this, the tears began to flow- I am sure you can imagine. But this time, they were those big deep breath, sigh of relief, so so happy tears. And all the guilt of dropping my sick child at school, and all the anxiety of passing my children around with four different people- just for me to go to this conference ...went away. THIS truly was my passion and I was finally taking the steps to fulfill my dream.
My point of telling this story was of course the crazy emotion I had to go through to get to this conference. But also that I had finally found something important for "me" and realized I needed to fulfill it and most importantly, I was finally ready.
The conference became just that for me...my first step toward doing something I was passionate about- it was great! This is truly what I was meant to do and I could not be more excited.
So I write in this new blog, not just about writing nuances- because there will be plenty, but about passion and following your heart and making dreams come true. This truly was an amazing first step for me and a journey I am beyond ready to take.
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